Oh well, nothing much has changed as the new year has begun. I’m still unemployed and I’m no closer to finding a job as I was. It’s very, very hard to just keep going and believing that things will get better when the time is right. I wonder what is so great that I have to go through all this?
But I do have to believe in something. The universe has something planned for me, but I will have to wait a bit longer to see what it is. But it’s so hard! Once again I find myself wondering how my life would be if I had taken a different turn at some point. To me it seems that it would be a lot better. But I’ll never know. And it is pointless to think about it. But how do I stop? How do I force my brain to banish those thoughts?
I need a diversion. The problem is that I have way too much free time at my disposal. And I think I have found one. And it is something I would not in a million years have thought I would get into. I blame my ex-colleague (now I think I would classify her as a friend) who was laid off at the same time as me. We have been getting together about once a week so that the walls so not fall on you. This has really been important to me, as I have said it many times that I really do not have any real life friends around here.
She has been into nail art for some time now. I never thought much about it, just politely hummed accepting sounds when she showed me her stuff. My nails are no good, they are really thin and I have never managed to grow them. As soon as I hit about half a centimetre it starts to rip from the side and I have to cut the nail back to nothing. So I never thought I would get into making fancy nails.
But watching her do it for so long seems to have had an effect. Or more precisely, helping her set up a nail blog made something snap in my head. We had a party with a third woman last Friday and I decided to try and do my nails for the first time in ages. I do not think I have given much thought to my nails since I was a teenager. But I bought a cheap nail polish and some stickers.
The effect was not what I expected. For some reason seeing my short nails polished and with some bling made me feel better. Weird. How can a few rounds of nail polish make any difference? Surfing in nail blogs really did not cure this fever. I want to do something else with my nails. I want to try this and that and … What is happening to me? I have never considered myself being feminine, in fact I feel just the opposite. I do not wear high heels, I do not care about my hair other than that the color is not too bad and showing the roots, I only wear make up on special occasions and it shows.
But I want to do my nails. I want to buy loads of nail polish. And decorations. And learn how to make all kinds of nice things with them. Just one solid color on nails is boring.
I really have to hold myself back so I do not put all my food money on nail polish. Oh well, I suppose it is a good thing after all, it keeps me from thinking how bad my situation really is. But soon my nails will be looking good!