Whatever will be, will be

Another year has gone by. I am, once again, a year older. The meter just ticked forward to 41. Oh how much I hate that number! It means that I’m old. I do not want to be that old; I do not feel like I’m that old.

It sure has been an interesting year. It seems that last year, when I turned 40, I did not even want to make a birthday post. Then two days later I went to that party that changed it all. The thing that turned my world around.

That was just one year ago. It has already been a year since that day. I can not decide which sentence is the more accurate one. In some ways it still feels like yesterday. Just a few short weeks ago it seemed to be so far away.

But a lot has happened since. I can also still clearly remember what happened when I had to dig deeper the last time. I still remember how hurt I was. That really, really hurt. I read my posts from last year and I can see that I was not really being too clear about what happened, but I got hurt.

Then I began to forget. Out of sight, out of mind. And it was working rather well! It really was.

But now I’m finding myself in the same yet so different spot again. A year does really make a difference. Still some things stay the same. But in the end I am not the same person I was a year ago.

Who knows what the next year brings. Right now I’m not even sure of tomorrow and really can not even begin to think how things will be a year from now. I guess I will just have to put my faith in my instincts and intuition and trust them to be right. I’m just afraid of the path they are taking me to.

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