Suddenly I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my life. It is very hard to get from one say to another. I’m trying to write it out, once again. The reason for all this is quite well explained in yesterday’s post.
I know this will pass. I know the sun will be shining one day again. Right now I just can not see it no matter how much I try. This is just something I have to get through. At least in the weekend I do not have to be here in the workplace, but I doubt I can get back into the – well, if not happy but ignorant place soon.
Someone really has to invent a pill you can take when you realize you have a one sided crush. This is not fun for anyone. Not the one having the crush, not the object of the crush and not to anyone around those two.
Feelings suck. I’d rather not feel anything than be this miserable again. In fact now that I think about it, I have been happiest when I have not had any big feelings for anyone or anything. Then you can just live your life and not worry about trivial things like love. I do not agree with whoever it was that said it is better to have loved and lost it than never loved or something like that.
Actually it really sucks to know that there really is something like love. Because that feeling really is great. I can not deny it. It is. The bad thing is that at least for me it never really hits two people at once so that they both suddenly think the other person is the most wonderful thing on earth. That is the no fun part about it. Knowing how good it can be but never really getting there. And once again this is something no amount of hard work can change.
So I’m just working hard trying to get to a place where I can not feel much. Just let me sleep through the next couple of weeks or how ever long it takes to get over this molehill I’m facing this time. Damn, where are all those good drugs when you need them…