Yeah. It was fun while it lasted. Now he is back home. Sure, it does make some things easier. But I also managed to prove that I could make it on my own. It means more work but it is doable.
We had a nice winter vacation with DS. We went to a cruise again, and he loved it as usual. We had a better cabin this time and I’m not going back to those really small ones again. Besides, the drinks in the fridge were included in the price as well as the breakfast. So it’s not even that much more expensive.
I had reserved the trip a long time ago. I chose the day based on when our vacation is, not on anything else. Only when I got there I noticed from the cruise program that one of the acts on board was Scandinavian Hunks. Ummm, yeah. I would not pay to see them but if the show is included in the price as it now was I might just go and see it. I had my reservations about it but decided to go anyway.
Ummm, yeah. Let’s just say that the next time you will have to pay me to go see them. I do not understand it. Why is it so much fun to watch few men taking their shirt off? And why are all those women screaming their heads off? Maybe, just maybe things would be different if I thought any of them actually were sexy. But I really don’t. And besides, they did not really take everything off. I can see more in any swimming hall.
I do not drool over a naked male upper body no matter how muscular it is. There are really few men I even care to see without a shirt. Now that I think about it, the only men I actually do care to see without a shirt are those I could have sex with. Right at this moment there is only one man I would have sex with but he’s not going to have sex with me so it’s a stalemate.
Well, I just hope that the day will come when I bump into someone I like enough that likes me, too. The bummer in this is that I actually like sex very much. And I miss it, too. But not enough that I would have it with someone I do not like to. As I’ve said before, it is very hard for me to let people touch me. Actually if any man can get so far that I do not mind being touched by him I would probably go all the way. Well, unless he is a doctor or a masseur or someone else who has to touch me for some reason. Those do not count.
But here I am, living a life that does not feel like mine. Well, on the emotional side that is. Other parts I can not complain about right now. But a person does have the right to want that there is someone who loves you. And who you can love back. As a man and a woman. It sure does feel like something is missing.