Again I am questioning if I should be writing this out here or not. But if I can not write it here, where else would I?
I found out something about myself. I may be thinking of moving away from that man I live with right now but I would not want him to die. I’d still rather see him alive.
I now know why I was feeling so bad last week. I was worried about him. He had had flu for a long time, it started right after Christmas. Yeah, well, there has been a long lasting flu doing the rounds so I did not think much of it. He can be quite the baby when he is a little sick so I basically just ignored him. Besides, what was there to do? I could not go to the doctor for him, he had to do it himself.
I watched him not getting better for a long time. Then on Sunday a week ago he started to look pretty bad. I had told him several times that he really needed to see a doctor because he was not getting any better. By that time he was just lying on the couch and not doing anything else.
But I had to go to work on Monday anyway, as I was not the one who is sick. When I got back from work that day I had had enough, he was too sick not to go to see a doc. But the emergency room in our town is only open from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. and after that you have to travel into another town. Or you have to call in to the hospital first so that someone can evaluate on the phone if you are well enough to wait until the one in your town opens again.
So I wrote the number to the hospital in our town in a notepad and told him that he would have to call that number as soon as he gets up on Tuesday. And then call me to tell me when to pick him up for his appointment.
I had to go to work on Tuesday, too. I waited for the phone to ring. All day I waited. I was getting angry at him for not calling the hospital as I instructed and was planning on taking him to the other town in the evening.
I could not really concentrate on work. I was worried. I got home and was about to start my lecture as I noticed the note I left for him. He had written on it a name and a time – the next day. So he had called. But whoever there happened to be answering the phone had evaluated on the phone that he was well enough to wait another day. OK, who am I to argue with that, I suppose they know what they are doing. But he really does not look all that good….
On Wednesday I left work in the middle of the day to drive him to the hospital. He barely walked to the car. He got out of breath trying to talk. Damn I was glad we were on the way to the hospital. I told him to call me when he was done. Or if it should happen that they take him in and not let him go home that day. And he said that he is not going to stay there, he is coming home.
No, he was not. An hour later he called that they are moving him to the hospital in the next town as they have better facilities. Later that evening he called to say that they are moving him to the university hospital in a city even further away. The next morning he called to say that they are going to operate him.
On Friday morning I called the hospital to get some information on him. There is a number you can call when you know someone is in the hospital but you do not know exactly where in there. So I called that. Oh yes, we have him. He is in the ICU. Do you want me to turn this call? Well, yes please.
Turns out he had a bad infection in his lungs. In fact it was so bad he would not have lived for much longer had he not gotten treatment. Well I knew he was not in a great shape, but never would I have guessed that things were that bad.
But now it looks that he is going to make it. And I am relieved. I was worried. But then again I am having way too much fun not having him around. I’m really enjoying myself. I do want him back home. But in the end he will be coming back home. But I am going to enjoy this while it lasts. I’m not really expecting them to let him home anytime soon.