I’m still feeling bad. But now I have lost track on why. There is no clear reason anymore. Life just sucks right now. I have a hard time in concentrating on work today. I should be reading stuff but I just can’t.
This is again the black pit I know a bit too well. I’m not really afraid of it, as I know I have found my way out of it many times before. I just have to get through this and I will feel better again. Most likely not great, but better.
Why is it that on times like this I tend to look for answers in places that can be considered to be humbug? I have started to read horoscopes once again. According to them, the next weekend should be really interesting in the relationship sense, but to me it looks like it’s just going to consist of me taking a few drinks after sauna and playing my new addiction: WoW. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not meeting anyone. I can not even fight with my soon-to-be-ex, as he is not going to be at home during that time. Bah, humbug.
I’m just so desperate to be finding a clue where all this is leading me. Any ray of hope that this will all end well some day. That there is a solution somewhere that I just can not see yet. I want to see signs everywhere.
But believe it or not, I’m actually a really rational person. It’s just that bad times like this bring out the superstitious side of me. My rational mind knows that all things like that are not true, but somehow I can not help myself. Sadly I know where this is all going to end up again: me hurting myself once again. If I could just accept life as it is and take one day at a time…