Hello, self esteem, long time no see

I am a mess. I will readily admit that. But that should not come as a surprise by now.

Lately I have been thinking on what would be the ideal man for me, if it even exists. Right now I’m sure it doesn’t exist. And I have come to the conclusion that the most important for me is the same sense of humor. I might fuck someone who is physically attractive, but if our minds do not connect then there is no future.

Of course the physical attraction has to be there, too. I will in no circumstances have sex with someone I do not find attractive. This definition will most likely differ from what world’s most sexy men look like. This is my subjective decision. If I decide that a man is physically attractive then that is the absolute truth for me.

Four years. That is how long I have now gone without sex. That makes me want to do something about it. I am a passionate woman! I want to be admired by men!

I know my self esteem has been low. My moral did take a hit last weekend, but I’m sure all of you will be glad to know that my self esteem has not been this good for several years. Do you know what I realized? I know that my outside does not attract men. Never has. But what is inside does attract them. So my insides are way prettier than my outside. If there are men that do not wish to look beyond the outer shell, it is their loss.

Wow, that feels good. At least now I know that I can get another man. Even one that I like. I call those men “disturbing”. I lassoed one of those disturbing men last week. He was mine, even if for one night. Not that anything really happened, but could have. It could have…


2 responses to “Hello, self esteem, long time no see

  1. By disturbing I mean that I can not act normally in their presence. I feel I can not look into their eyes when I talk to them, but want to do so anyway. It means that I monitor their every move to see if they might be reciprocating my feelings or not. I can not feel relaxed when a disturbing man is in the same room with me.

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