Do you know if someone has a spare brain I could borrow?

I’m sorry I have been away. For some reason I seem to forget about this place when things go at least relatively well. Then when I hit a point when some thoughts just keep going over and over and over in my head I came here to blurt it all out.

This will be one of those posts. So I’m warning you, there will be TMI. Most likely. I’m not even so sure this post is going to survive for very long. I’m so afraid that someone who does not read this will find their way here. I have tried to keep this anonymous, but I have been slipping lately. There are people who can connect this me to the real me, and that worries me a bit.

So yeah. It all started last Friday. That was the day for our office pre-Christmas party. I know most of you are not familiar with this tradition, but in short it’s a party where you eat Christmas foods and drink a lot. Some companies offer more drinks to their employees, some less. Mine falls in the less category.

To compensate with that several people had their own drinks with them. And at some point we decided to leave the place and go to a bar. At first there was nothing to it, people were drinking and having fun. But at some point most of the group decided to go home. Well, I was not one of them. And then it all started getting out of hand…

This is the point where I’m starting to think how much I can write here. Maybe there will not be TMI after all. Sorry! But things got really, really out of hand. And now I’m still not completely sure if I’m happy it did or completely devastated it happened. I’m a total mess now. I do not know how I will get out of this mess. One way or another, I will be hurting someone because of my stupidity. I’m not just yet sure who it will be.

So I’m having this big knot in my stomach. I have been so mad at myself. I am so mad at myself. Stupid me. Stupid, stupid me.

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2 responses to “Do you know if someone has a spare brain I could borrow?

  1. I guess there’s a reason why the office Christmas party is so notorious.

    Are you only sorry about the circumstances of what happy? Do you no longer like the person in question? Or not in that way?

    Do you at least remember the good time you had? Or is it all a blur?

  2. This is all so complicated. I feel the physical attraction to that person. I’m just not sure we talk the same language. Finnish, yes, but there is little chance our mind works the same way. And that would lead into trouble fast.

    But I am sure the physical is there. And that is what scares me. I am not saying I remember everything. But I remember enough. I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach. That is bad enough…

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