Who is hanging that black cloud over me?

Wow, I’m really feeling the need to write these days. Well, tomorrow will be a busy day at work so I most likely will not have time to write anything. And then it is midsummer, which means that it is unlikely I will be doing any updates.

But today I just wanted to talk about this impending feeling of doom I have been having lately. Like something really, really bad is going to happen soon. Just the other day I was driving in my car and suddenly felt it. Not that I would be killed or hurt in an accident but that I would hurt someone else and have to pay the price for it.

Then last night I had a particularly disturbing dream. As you know (well, at least if you have been reading for any length of time) the soon-to-be-ex likes to drink a lot. And I mean enough to pass out.

In my dream I woke up one morning. I noticed that soon-to-be-ex was not in the bed. I could not find him in the house. Well, it has happened. Nothing unusual about that. But then I noticed that the door was open. It was swinging back and forth. And for some reason it was winter outside.

Then I saw a trail of blood in the white snow, leading out to the field. Suddenly I knew that I could find him there. I closed the door and put on some warm clothes. I told DS to stay inside and not even look out. And I remember thinking: can they blame this on me?

Then I woke up. It took me while to understand I was in my bed. I could not get back to sleep for quite a while.

So I’m fully expecting something bad to happen. Most likely I will not crash my car or a crazy axe murderer is not going to kill soon-to-be-ex. But something will happen. I just do not know what it is. I’m just assuming it will be something that has a big impact. So that all my worries so far seem like nothing.


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