This is the invisible line around me, please do not cross

It’s not really a surprise that I have been listening to a lot of Judas Priest during the last week or so. I’ve actually found several new (read: really old) songs I did not know anything about. I’ve also tried to listen to some old songs to see if they get better that way.

One of the old ones I’ve tried to listen again is Turbo Lover. I do think that is the most well known of all their songs. I never really liked it. It was about the only song I even knew before I found the band in, surprise, surprise, youtube last fall. But it will most likely take a few more times before it turns good in my ears. But you can not say this song isn’t about sex, because it is.

Then one of the songs from the concert that I did not know before was Eat Me Alive . That one is surprisingly good. And it seems that some people thought it is exceptionally bad. Yes, this one is about sex. There is really no alternative interpretation of the lyrics. But to me the lyrics describe how two people have consensual (or whatever the right word is) passionate sex. Not even oral sex but normal sex. And definitely no forcing. I guess it depends on who reads the lyrics.

Come to think of it, they seem to have a lot of songs about sex. And several of those that can be interpreted that way (or at least I can). Or maybe it is just a case of seeing it because your own lack of it…

Damn it. I have to get my butt moving on this divorce thing. Maybe then I can find someone who is willing to have sex with me. Maybe even someone who would agree to do it while Judas Priest is playing in the background. Oh, that would be nice!

But then there is the third thing: I have to be able to touch him. I just recently realized that I have a problem in touching people. It is very hard to me. I can shake hands but that is about it. All those family celebrations where you have to hug a lot of people or even the one celebrated are awful. I do not hug people. I will only touch those I want to.

And I have a hunch on where this is coming from. Some years ago my mom had a birthday or something. So I was there with DS. At some point more guests arrived, and yes, the hugging started. But what did my dad do? Started to mess with DS so that he would not see my mom hugging. Do you suppose that is what has happened when I was a kid? I do. And I’m not so surprised that I so not like hugging. After all it must be a really, really bad thing and you should not have seen it. But even realizing the reluctance and where it really comes from does not take it away. I just do not touch people. Period.

Who do I touch then? Those people are few and far between. DS, of course. I used to be able to touch soon-to-be-ex, but not anymore. Most of my friends I do not care to touch. I can spend time with them, but please no touching. I can not think I could ever touch a complete stranger. Maybe that is why I have never been into one night stands…

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