Thank god it is Wednesday again. That means that there will be one hour today that all kinds of thoughts are not running through my head. It has been nearly impossible to get any work done these past few days. Not that it would be something unusual, but it has been worse than it used to be.
Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why there are no genies in real life that could give you three wishes? Now I just have to live with the decisions I have made through the years. I was falling back to the same rut I have been in for the past years. Now I again realize that it’s not where I want to be! I want out!
But the bad news is that I’m no closer on finding the exit than I was half a year ago. I’m just not. Still no sign of big lottery win. Still no available rental apartments near where I already live.
And I’m feeling the knot in my stomach again. All day, all night. I’m having weird dreams and not sleeping very well.
This is beginning to feel like peeling a band aid from a hairy spot very, very slowly. It does hurt if you just yank it off, but it’s not really that much fun if the pain just goes on and on. It is inevitable that this must end. I’m just not finding the strength in me to finally end it for good…