Hello, Google, so nice of you to visit me

What? Two posts in as many days? What is up with me?

But I just took a little trip into my site stats and guess what was the most used keywords? Hyperstimulation symptoms. And I’m kinda glad of it. It feels nice to be able to help. Or I’m assuming that I’m helping, since I’ve had my share of hyperstim in my IVF days. I really hope the information found in the archives does help somebody who is doing their cycle now.

It’s a funny thing, I have not thought of my treatment years in a long time. In fact I almost wrote that I’ve not thought about my infertile years, but you never really can be cured from it. I’m still as infertile as ever, it’s just not really bothering me anymore. So you can heal, but you can not be cured.

Which reminds me of something I recently read in a horse related message board. People there tend to talk about all kinds of things, related to horses or not. So this one woman wrote a post about thinking about becoming an egg donor. The bad thing about the place is that anyone can write anything there, no registration needed. Which means that things can – and often do – get nasty over there. You can probably imagine what it means to a topic like this, where emotions tend to run high.

So I put on a really heavy filter, skipping over most of the obviously clueless remarks left there. I saw two people arguing over the new law that prohibits totally anonymous donating here these days. The other one kept insisting it’s all for the good of the child that he or she can find out who the genetic material came from. The other one said that it also scared away many of the donors meaning that it has become almost impossible to find any in Finland anymore – and that means that those who can will start to travel elsewhere to get the treatment they need (Eastern Europe). And that you can totally forget about matching your features with the donor, you just take whatever you can get your hands on.

But what really hurt to read was one woman’s comment over there. She said that she had thought of becoming a donor herself. But for some reason (that I can not remember right now) she had to postpone it. So she thought it over and decided that she’s not going to do it. After all, it is terribly selfish that you would want to carry a child in your own womb when there are so many children out there just waiting to be adopted.

It never ceases to amaze me how people think that infertiles are selfish in wanting a child. A child of their own. How can someone be that clueless? And yet these people keep popping up that claim that they only want what is “best for the child”. And imply that anyone who has a different opinion on the matter at hand wants to hurt the child.

I’m not going back to that thread. It just made my blood boil so bad. People who have never, ever had to deal with infertility keep telling us what we can and can not do. Hell, I’m not running around telling other people what they should do.

“Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill. But what would you? You have not told me all concerning yourself; and how then shall I choose better than you?”
-J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings


4 responses to “Hello, Google, so nice of you to visit me

  1. Another blogger had a link to a “legal tabloid” site that published an article on insurance coverage for infertility treatments (remember, this would be in the U.S.) and the vitrol and ignorance infuriated me.

    One person made the comment that if god wanted them (infertiles) to have children, he wouldn’t have made them infertile; and another said why should other “healthy” people pay for the expenisve procedures like IVF when it’s so much cheaper to adopt.

    I was left (almost) speechless.

  2. Same old, same old, hey? If there are so many children needing homes in the world, then the fertile amongst us should start buying more condoms and adopting. And that’s just for a start.


  3. It’s best that you look away. You can’t educate everyone on the net. And not everyone wants to open their eyes.
    Just adopt is a comment only someone who has never given it a second thought will make.

    I’ve been thinking whether I would be an egg donor for a stranger. Problem is, in my country, they just passed a law (last year!!!) that mandates anonimity! How backwards is that.
    I think it is best for the child if it can find out who his biological parents are, if he/she chooses.
    You can still donate to a friend, but the clinics actively advise against it. They have a swapping program in place.

    But, what if that child then finds you and blames you for it’s existence?
    Bad childhood, bad health, bad luck, … Could I escape a feeling of wrongdoing? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

  4. Great read. I recently had a discussion with a woman who said that if you’re infertile, “God doesn’t want you to have children, and thus you should not act against Gods will.” I asked her if she ever went to a doctor when she was sick, and she said “Of course.” Made me wonder, because with that kind of logic, if one is sick then it’s because “God wants you to be sick, thus you should not act against Gods will and become healthy again with help of medicine.”, right? Makes me wonder…

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