Alive and kicking

I’m trying to write more often, but then I always notice it has been several days again. It’s just that I do not have that much to write. Or maybe I have, but I can not put the things I have in my head into words.

So I just start writing. We’ll see what comes out this time. I survived the weekend as you all can see. It had the unpleasant moments I expected it to have. Nothing too bad, but just enough so that I’m not really looking forward to the next one, again. Oh damn it, when am I going to be able to move? This is not really living.

And then the words stopped flowing. I’m finding it hard to say anything more. There really is nothing to say that has not been said several times already. I’m going through the same thoughts over and over again. Why is life so complicated? I know, it’s mostly my own fault. I should have seen him as who he really is a long time ago. But I have chosen to close my eyes. My mistake.

Leaving would have been easier if I had done it earlier. DS would have been younger and that would have made things a lot easier. Now he has an opinion of his own, and that has to be taken into account. If he was younger I would just grab him and leave. But I waited too long.


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