Today I applied for a rental apartment from the city. I’ve taken the first concrete step in this process. He has made it so easy! It is funny how he still wants that things get better between us but manages to do the very things that only strengthen my decision and make me do things faster than I initially planned to do.
This last weekend was the worst so far. It was completely horrible, the faster I’m getting out of there the better! The first plan was to tough it out until next summer, but now I’m completely sure I can not do this for that long.
On Friday we had a Christmas party with my colleagues, which traditionally involves drinking. He did not say I can not go, but I saw that he was not exactly happy either. Then he had to take DS riding before I left and I ordered a taxi to come and pick me up. While I was waiting for the taxi a car came to our yard and two of DS’s school mates came asking for him. I could not let them stay as I had already called the taxi and did not know when DS and DH would get back.
I can not say that I had a blast, but it was still better than sitting at home all evening. Most of the evening I spent with a female colleague talking about all kinds of things. After the bar closed I ordered another taxi and went home. Only to be greeted with an angry DH who accused me of lying. He had seen the footprints in the snow, someone had come to pick me up because nobody ever goes to the front door, everyone uses the side door. WTF? Yeah sure, now I’m probably having a hot affair with someone at work. So sorry, that’s not happening. But this is just another example on how his mind works.
So then on Saturday he was being really apologetic. Sorry, a bit too late for that. Then he disappears for a while and comes back with a bottle of whisky and a couple of six-packs. And starts drinking. First he wants to talk, talk, talk even though I really do not want to. At about eleven I go to bed and try to start sleeping.
And I mean I try. But now he has had most of the whisky and somehow this all has sparked a long forgotten lust in him. Hey, it’s about three years ago we last had sex. What the hell makes you think I would be interested now that I’ve said I’m leaving? And it was not enough that I refused once. It was not enough that I refused twice. Somehow he always just went to have more whiskey only to come back again. I could hear him falling down and taking things with him, more than once. Rinse, lather, repeat. I think it was something like three a.m. when he finally passed out and I could get some sleep.
So today I’m going to find me a new place to stay. I can not take too many weekends like that. And why should I? I’m going to be much better off on my own. Or at least I can sleep in my bed without having to keep one eye open. I’m doing the right thing.