It looks like if I do not have enough problems in my life I have to create them for myself. My head is so jumbled right now I can not think straight. My insides are in a tight knot and I feel like puking right now. Needless to say I can not get any food down.
I do not know what to do. I really, really don’t. But now it seems that the last straw was actually too much. I have no idea what happens next. All I know is this: divorce is no longer an option I will not consider right now. I feel really, really tempted to walk to the courthouse and file for one right now. But not just yet.
It’s not really a surprise it has come to this. It’s just that it seems to be happening sooner than expected. I’ve just realized that life is actually too short to be wasted in a dead marriage. Maybe, just maybe there is a man out there that would be willing to be with me. And maybe our paths would cross one day. But it seems so painfully obvious now that this will never happen if I am not going to get that divorce. As long as these rings are around my finger I will not have a chance of happiness.
I feel like crying right now. I still feel that I do not want to do this. And at the same time I feel like I have to do this. I’m a complete mess right now. I feel like a really bad person right now. I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I feel like a failure. I’m afraid of things to come. I do not know what to do. But the path of least resistance is no longer the way I want to be taking. I can not be taking it anymore. It’s just not right.