For some reason I’m feeling like crawling into a cave right now. Just stay there and not talk to anybody for some time. Take a break from everything.
I have no idea on why I feel like this. It’s not like something happened, or did not happen. Well, maybe it’s more on the side of did not happen. So maybe I do have an idea.
It just occurred to me that it has been a long time since I’ve visited anyone. Well, besides my parents that is. I’ve taken DS to visit his friends, but I usually just drop him off. I’m not really making friends with the parents. The truth is that there really are no places to visit for me. Sure, there are people I talk to and they talk back to me, but it’s just not the same.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it would be great to actually talk to someone on things that are not completely trivial. Like how the weather is or who won the latest election.
It’s coming more and more apparent that I gave up on a lot of things when moving here. When I was still living in the big city where I studied, I had friends to visit. More than just one. Somehow you seem to lose contact with them when you do not live in the same city anymore.
I miss going out “with the girls”. Come to think of it, I have not been “out” for a long time. I really do not consider a dinner in a restaurant with the family as being “out”. And going just by yourself really is not that much fun. It just attracts unwanted attention from drunken men, as they seem to start thinking that even I look good when they’ve had enough to mess their heads.
So it seems that I’m lonely. But what can you really do? Put an add to the paper looking for a woman to talk to? Umm, no. Start going to Martat meetings so I can chat with grannies? Eh, well. Take DS to visit his friend and just sit on their couch for the duration of his visit? He’d probably kill me.
How do you make real life friends these days? It just seems that my world is so far from anybody else’s around here. There’s this education thing. Yes, yes, intelligence does not go hand in hand with brain capacity, but in most cases it does. And as I said not too long ago, I do not get along with stupid people. Partially that can be the infertility speaking here. Which is of course also a big thing when it comes to real life relationships.
So I’m feeling lonely. And I just want to hide somewhere so I do not have to deal with people.