Change of heart

I used to think that I’d be willing to try donor gametes if I only had the money to do so. Now I suddenly have enough money for it, but I’m finding myself reluctant to even consider it anymore. A year and a half ago after my last failed cycle I would have jumped in joy if I had had the money to start a new cycle asap.

Now I’m not so sure that I’d be willing to go back. And if you have been reading long enough (if not, you can check category IVF #7), we do not know if it’s DH’s sperm that sucks or my eggs. And even if it was one of them back then, who knows what might be the situation now. After all, I’m going to be 38 in just a few days. How did I get to be that old???

I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m not so sure I’m willing to go through yet another (failed) cycle. Because, as we all know, there are no guarantees in this game called the IVF rollercoaster. Right now I’m feeling that it would just be a colossal waste of time, money and mental health – not that things have been too great up until now either.

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4 responses to “Change of heart

  1. Oh Ankaisa,

    I hear you on changing of heart. We have had some many changes of mind and heart these past years. What seems as the only way forward at some point might be no option a year later.

    If you ever should decide to go ahead with another IVF and you are paying for the drungs yourself, please le me know. I have tons of meds in my fridge that are looking for a new owner (since we’re not doing any more IVF). I am not sure about meds coverage in Finland, but if you have to put your own cash on the counter, I’d be more than glad to ship the Puregon, Suprecur and Progesterone (supositories) to you.

    Take care!

  2. Well, you’ve had a year and a half to get used to ‘moving on’, trying it on so to speak. While it might not be what you had hoped or planned for, not an exact fit, still it’s not surprising that you feel reluctance at the idea of going back to treatment. It isn’t exactly fun.

  3. I think that things can change all the time. I do understand not being sure about donor gametes. The thing that’s good is that the rates are much higher with donor eggs, though no guarantees (and I’m certainly not the best example of that). The other thing that’s great with donor gametes is that there is never a rush. There just isn’t the same time pressure so that option can always be there if you want it. And fwiw donor cycles are a tooooooooon easier than non-donor cycles.

    Here for you whatever path you’re going down.

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