Thanks for your response to my last post. Thanks for your concern. But I have to tell you that I’m actually pretty OK. This is not a black hole I’m in. Believe me, I know that place. That deep black hole you can not see a way out. I have been there way too many times after a failed cycle. When getting up in the morning is a big task. When just getting through the day seems impossible. When all you want to do is to curl up in a ball and cry.
This is not that kind of place. Several years ago during the winter we drove on ice. A road was made on the frozen sea so that you could drive to an island. The road was several kilometers long, so after a while you could no longer see the shore. Or the island. That was kind of a wild feeling: nothing in sight but ice. Where the ice ended the sky started. It is a bit hard to explain, but that is about how I’m feeling now. Like everything is white. Like the last drop has been squeezed from me.
But it is a good kind of empty. A white kind of empty is going to be filled with color in time. Black can not be painted anything but black, but white can. I just need some time to catch my breath. And that is a luxury I can not have. I have to drag my butt to work five days a week. I have to start doing something to our house which has been badly neglected the past two and a half months. I could not let anybody in there now!
It will take time. I know the process would be greatly faster if I could fly to a sunny beach where I could just lie in the sand for a week, but that is not going to happen. So I just have to wait. I have no idea how long it will take, but it will happen. One of these days.