They say that you can not feel sad if you force yourself to smile. I’m not so sure about that. I’ve tried to do just that, but I’m failing miserably. Just the other day I was thinking how one of the good things about quitting treatment is that you stay out of that pit.
Yeah. I think the universe heard it, even though I only thought that, not actually said it out loud. And now it seems I’m facing it again. In fact not long after I thought about how un-depressed I was I got a call from my mom. She said that my dad had been admitted to the hospital for some pains in his chest. And I lost it. I’m not sure if I’ve told you but my dad is old. I mean really, really old. Like 96 years old. So my rational mind is telling me that there can not be much time left. So I’m afraid. Really, really afraid. I do not want to answer my phone because I fear what I might hear.
And the other thing that makes me sad is that DS started preschool this Tuesday. Here the kids start it the year they reach six years of age. So it was his turn. So now I put him in a taxi every morning to go to school. I do not have a baby anymore. And before I know it he will be moving out.
I need that dog. Now.