Cruel summer

Luck. Why does it seem like some people have it all while I’m not having any? I always participate in all kinds of lotteries but never get anything. Why do I still bother? Why do I still think that I could be the one to win that trip or whatever? And not just that, it seems that my life is just one unlucky event after another. Hey, I do not think that anybody would say that you are so lucky to be infertile… um… besides those extremely stupid fertiles that plop out sprogs every year and say stupid things. Ahem.

What would I have to do to turn my luck around? How do you turn something that you can not see, hear, feel, taste or grab? How does it feel to be lucky? Why there is no Felix Felicis in the real life? I guess that I have just been brought up thinking it’s my own fault id I so not succeed in something. That I must have not been trying hard enough. That there must be something I can do to make things better. But I can’t. It just seems to be dumb luck. It’s not about who deserves what, it’s totally unfair. And so I seek for the answer on how to turn the table. There must be something. Some kind of magic.

It seems a bit funny that I’m a scientist and yet I’m so drawn to the unknown. I have always been like that. I’ve watched science fiction for as long as I can remember. And somehow the idea of the existence of magic is extremely appealing to me. Even though my rational mind tells me that it does not exist. But it would mean that I can do something about the things that seem to be impossible to chance in the real world. Oh, the possibilities…

But in the end I would just be happy if I could just get through this life somewhat well. Which is not what I’m doing now. I’m tired of living in constant survival mode! I just want a life where I have a decent job that pays me enough to pay the bills each month with something left over. It sucks to hold your breath each months waiting for those bills to come in to see if I can pay for them all. I’d like to be happy once in my life. But with my luck – that won’t probably be happening. Ever.


3 responses to “Cruel summer

  1. There’s a saying: I’d rather be lucky than skilled.

    It certainly applies to more than just cards and horses.

  2. Being stuck in survival mode is a drag. I’m sorry you’re unhappy, and don’t believe you ever will be.
    If only some of Lordi’s thunderbolt luck could rub of on you. 🙂

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