Maybe I should keep this life after all

I promise I will get back to your questions in a while! I just want to keep a few of them for later, as there will most certainly be times when I can not think of anything to write about. But I will get to them.

Today I just want to talk about something completely different – or not, given the nature of this blog. I do not know if you have noticed it, but my posts have been a lot less whiney lately. I just noticed it, I mean the change in my mood. It has been so subtle that it almost went unnoticed.

What has changed then? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I still have the same suck ass job and no hope of getting out of it. I still have the same DH, where the D certainly does not stand as Dear – no job, no sex, no nothing. I’m still as broke as I’ve been; I have to count the pennies every day. I’m no closer to having another baby. In fact things have only gotten worse, as my best real life friend is going to move to Canada. So that pretty much means I have no real life friends left.

Why am I happier now? Beats me. Maybe I’m just getting used to this. Shit happens and I’m usually in the receiving end of it. I never have luck in anything, so I’m not expecting it. I might still one day have another baby, but then again I might not. If I happen to get a lot of money from somewhere (a lot being around 5000 euros) I could do donor egg. So even if the door is closed for now, it might still open – I have not locked it. Then again DS has told me that he does not want and baby sisters or brothers. Well, dear, I think that is a wish I can grant you quite easily. There are the occasional comments on how it is not a good thing being an only child… but I’ve come up with some nice answers, and while I might not say them out loud it feels nice to know how flustered people would be if I actually used them. Here they are if you need something to say to shut people up:

Maybe we should adopt a girl from China. Do you think she would look like me?

Sure, we’d love to. Do you have 5000 euros extra so we could do donor egg?

Why don’t you tell DH to stop smoking, drinking and wearing briefs so that his sperm quality would get better and the little fellows would have a chance of finding their way up my tubes?

Wow, do they sell babies in shops these days? I never knew it’s that easy to have another one!

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3 responses to “Maybe I should keep this life after all

  1. That thought crossed my mind, but when I think back it has been a lot longer than the last autumn/winter. I think I was really down all of 2005. Sure, darkness outside may have made it worse, but I’m quite sure it’s not the only thing contributing to this!

    Maybe it’s just that enough time has passed after my last failed attempt at getting pg. That’s the only explanation I have.

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