Oh how I just wish that I had the money for one last IVF. Not that I know if DH would agree to use donors, but it would at least give me peace of mind. Now I’m constantly guessing if it really is me who can’t have any more biological kids. That last cycle would answer that question. Now we just know it is DH’s sperm or my eggs. I just want to know. But for now it seems that it will not happen.
It’s November again. I will be one year older this month. I do not want to think about it. Makes me so sad, watching my life just waste away. Is my life really already over and this is what it’s going to be like for the rest of my life? Why was I ever even born, if this is it. It’s not like I’m going to invent the cure for cancer or anything. What is the purpose of my life?