Why does it seem that this summer just slipped by? Now it is fall, and I can’t remember having any warm sunny days this summer. Well, maybe that is because there really weren’t any when I was on vacation. And it seems like if it wasn’t really hot, then the wind was blowing so hard you had to have long sleeves to make it. Why is it fall already? I’m not ready for it.
And I can not believe it has been a full year since I started to blog. Not much has happened during this year, I’m still married to a man I don’t really love anymore, I still have one child and no hope of another. Maybe the difference is that now I’m sure there will not be another. It has been a ride, but now when I look at it, I should have given up sooner. Too much money and energy and sanity was lost in the process. Yeah, it’s so easy to say now. But it was really hard to accept that it would not be so easy to get pg again. If it had taken even longer than it had, I most likely would have been happy to call it off after one success. Now I went through several failures without even a hint of succeeding.
Maybe I did choose a good name for this blog. There have been a few moments when I thought I would lose it completely. I don’t think I’ll fall into that hopeless dark pit again anytime soon, as I’m not going to do any more treatments. But I know it’s out there, and I’m afraid there are other things in life that can push you there. I don’t yet know what would it take to trap me there again, and I really, really hope I never find out. But now I also know you can climb back up. So I’ve learned something, but I’m sure it was something I wanted to learn.