So it is almost time for my wedding anniversary. How do you celebrate something that has been quite dead for some time now? Most likely if I do nothing about it, DH will not do anything. So do I just let it pass like any other day? I feel seriously tempted to do that. Then again I could just buy one bottle of sparkling wine so that we could use that lovely pair of champagne glasses we got as a present. But that would just remind me of a day I really do not even want to remember for various of reasons.

I really think that if we did not have DS I would be long gone by now. We would never have married and I would have a life elsewhere. I do not know if it would be any better than this, but it could also be much nicer. But then I would not have DS, which is a terrible thought. I don’t know.

I’ve come to the conclusion that life just basically sucks. When you are young you have lots of opportunities but most of the time you are too stupid to take advantage of them. Then you make few bad choices and you are screwed for life. Life over at the age of 37, and then you just hang on to it until you die another 37 or so years later. I really can not imagine how my life is going to be. Just thinking that it will be the same forever makes me sick.

I know I have been talking about this a lot. Well, that’s what is on my mind right now. I want to change it, but I lack the courage. Maybe one day.


2 responses to “Anniversaries

  1. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry that you’re caught in such unhappiness, that you feel so trapped with your life.

    It’s o.k. to talk about it… you should. Talking about it is the only way it will ever get better.

    Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

  2. /dons asshat

    Sometimes change is all about, and you’ll have to forgive me for saying this, but sometimes it’s all about taking babysteps, doing one thing different.

    It can be scary, but it is worth it.

    /removes asshat

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