I should get my head examined

Something is seriously wrong with me. Something must be. I can’t just have finished my last attempt of having another biological child for us. I should be climbing the walls. I should be crying my eyes out. And yet I feel nothing. Who would have known that not feeling like shit scares me so much?

I did have a few glasses of wine Wednesday night. I did manage to bring the subject up with DH. I just hope he had not had too many beers at that time; I want him to remember what I said. I did not push him to give me any kind of an answer, just a promise that he will think about using a donor. But it seems that his mind works pretty much the same as mine, he started to think about a sperm donor. After all, he is the one with a diagnosed problem: those swimmers are not the best and have little hope of ever finding an egg if not on a Petri dish.

But I still have to call the clinic and most likely schedule an appointment to discuss the possibilities. If it is donor sperm, that would be sometime in the fall. If it is donor eggs – who knows? I’ve heard that it can take anything between six months to two years to get a donor.

In any case I should lose some weight. Unfortunately that project is not going anywhere. I’m beginning to think this is the wrong diet for me. I can’t do low fat. And just today I saw a program on tv about Atkins. Call it a coincidence if you like, but that’s the only diet I’ve ever managed to lose any significant amount of fat with. It’s not easy to do it here, where it’s still a big no-no, all the “light” products are low fat (= high sugar) and nobody has even heard about low carb bread. So it would be meat and veggies. That’s it. If I still haven’t lost anything after a full week on this I will take a full turn: low carb it is!

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5 responses to “I should get my head examined

  1. Firstly, I’m so very sorry that it didn’t work. This shit well and truly sucks.

    Secondly, if Atkins might be hard to do, you could try the south beach diet or (my favourite) the GI diet. You can still have carbs in moderation, they just have to be complex carbs.

  2. I really like the GI diet as you get to eat carbs. I cannot live without the bread, man!

    I am glad you have had some semblance of the conversation with your husband. Starting to discuss these topics is usually the hardest thing.

  3. I have the South Beach Diet book, maybe it’s time to start reading it now… Thanks for the suggestions!

  4. I’d love to keep pusing you for one or two more goes. But I also know when enough is enough and its time to move onto something else. I dont find donor gametes very scary – in fact I would’ve taken just about anything as long as they were better than mine and that this journey was going to end.

    I hope you and DH can have some decent converstations about it.

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