The genetic connection

Now that I’ve had a few days to regroup I think I can make a coherent post. It’s just not too fun when you are basically told that you can now forget having another biological baby. If – and that is a big if – we keep trying the next step will be donor sperm or eggs. Of those eight fertilized eggs only two were transferred and the rest had what she said to be “an atypical nucleus”. So they would not transfer those under any circumstances. But what is it? I still don’t know. She just said that these two had selected themselves but were no beauty queens: a four cell grade 5 and a two cell grade 4. And by the sound of it the grading goes so that low numbers are good, high numbers bad. So they don’t have the snowball’s chance in hell.

It’s all lines in the sand. Like when you start trying you might think that if it doesn’t work naturally, then it’s not going to work. Then you think that maybe taking Clomid is not such a big step, maybe even with IUI. When that doesn’t work you start thinking that maybe IVF isn’t such a bad thing, the child will be your biological child anyway. Now I’m facing the line where it is time to give up on that genetic connection or stop right here. I don’t know which one the doc is going to recommend, but my brain tells me the logical next step would be donor sperm. It’s just so much cheaper than donor eggs and there’s no wait, they just call the sperm bank and we have it. But I’m not sure I want to tell it to DH. That male ego, you know. Maybe I’ll just drag him with me to see the doc and make him hear it from her. But I’m sure it will not go down easily…


7 responses to “The genetic connection

  1. You’re right. It is all about lines in the sand, and it totally sucks each time you get to the next one. The one you never thought you’d have to cross over. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this shit. So sorry.

  2. I’m so sorry. I’m still holding out some hope for those two embryos, but I know you must be in a very difficult spot. It just never gets easier, does it?

    Best of luck in making the choices.

  3. Ankaisa, I am hoping that you can get more info on what is happening with your embryos as I imagine it must be very frustrating and sad for you and your partner right now.

    I am still rooting for the two that were transferred!

  4. I am so sorry. It is the not knowing that can drive one crazy. Wouldn’t it be nice, for once, to have someone say “this is the problem.” and at least have answers.

    I am thinking of you.

  5. We may be heading for donor sperm if this next attempt does not work; the conversation was hard. It’s hard to keep moving down the path of possibilities.

    I really hope that you can find out more about what’s happening to your embryos and that you don’t have to go there.

  6. Ankaisa, has your husband had a SCSA?

    I have a friend who had the same problems as you, bad fert rates, cruddy embryos, no pregnancies. Eventually they said it must be her eggs, so they did her fifth cycle with donor egg and got just as bad fert rates,they did the SCSA and found he had DNA fragmentation, so the next cycle they tried donor sperm, and got much better results – a pregnancy (which has tragically just ended, but there was a pregnancy).

    Just wondering, as it might be something to check before you go into another full cycle. Apparently frequent ejaculation can be used to bring down the DNA fragmentation rate if it really is him.

  7. I’m not sure if SCSA is available over here. I sure would like him to have it, as I’m seriously suspecting there is a problem beyond abnormal sperm samples. But shipping the sample to the US for the test does not seem feasible. But I will most certainly ask about it. This is one of the reasons that I want to try donor sperm first!

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