Feeling like an elephant

And now for the next episode of the disaster otherwise known as my last IVF cycle: The second follie check!

This time I actually caught the train just fine. See, I am learning something! And the follies had grown just nicely so the retrieval will be on Monday. Which I had already guessed it would be. No problem in that.

But what went wrong then? Let’s see, 1) I ran out of Gonal-F on Thursday. They had given me a prescription for 1 x 900 IU pen and 1 x 450 IU pen. Let’s do the math: 900/150 = 6 and 450/150 = 3. Together that makes 9. Counting from last Wednesday the meds would end on Thursday, which they did. And these pens do not have any extra like the multidose one has. I have no idea why my doc seems to be so tight with the amount of meds given to me, why not just give so much that it would certainly be enough? This has been annoying me for a while.

So I had to take another 150 IU on Friday but had no meds left. I was worried I’d have to buy another pen. If I had been given a big enough prescription in the first place I would have gotten it for free last year. But luckily the doc said they have some extra Menogon at the clinic and I could be given that instead. It has a litte LH so it’s not pure FSH, but I was told this is OK. I have not resorted to Google University yet; does anybody know if they were right? I was given a shot of it right there, so there is not much I can do about it anyway. And I usually get no bruises or anything from the shots, but this one hurts!

2) Even though I was there 10:30 a.m. almost all the retrieval times had been given away already. So they check all the stimming patients on Friday to determine the retrieval day and all times had been given by 10:30 a.m. I was left with 1:45 p.m. appointment. And you all know what this means, don’t you? Tonight I have to stay up until 1:45 a.m. to trigger. And as I’ve been telling you, I’ve been really tired this time. I can barely stay up until 10:00 p.m. So I might be writing another entry while waiting for my time. I am too afraid to nap before it, as I might not wake up and screw what little there is to screw anymore.

3) DH has not been responsive to my attempts to make sure the sample is fresh. I’ve usually made sure about it the old fashioned way, but this time he is completely ignoring me when I try to suggest we do it. So now it’s too late anyway, and I just have to hope there is sperm present in the sample he provides.

So the good luck continues. But despite all that I feel that Hope is trying to sneak in. I want her out! I was much happier when I felt detached from this cycle. I can’t take another fall if I let her in. The last one was almost too much for me, another one would destroy me. Hope, get out. You are not needed here. You just keep whispering your promises that are not based on reality. The reality is that nothing has stuck in my uterus in a long while, and the chances are nothing ever will. That’s what I have to keep in mind. No false hope.


5 responses to “Feeling like an elephant

  1. I’m so sorry about the 1:45am trigger! Staying up late just makes a stressful situation works. I’m holding tight onto hope for you and will be thinking about you throughout trigger & retrieval.

  2. Hi sweetie, checking in before I go to bed. I trigger at 11:30 p.m. my time….wonder what that is your time? I’m too tired to count.

    Thinking of you and crossing my fingers for all of us.

    I hope Meg is well.

    Assvice: Don’t worry. You can’t do anything about it. I had a huge rush in E2, not even googling, nothing I can do. Is a big rush bad? Could be good? I can’t be bothered.

    We are doing the best we can do. Don’t worry. Come in my pool of calm with me. The water is nice and the float is comfortable, nothing can get to us here. Some water??

  3. I hear ya on the hope subject. It’s so much easier not to let any of that sneak in. I’ll hope for ya, though. So much easier to hope for someone else besides yourself. I’m sorry trigger had to be so late. Good luck!

  4. That’s annoying about the trigger. I know what you mean about the hope creeping in. I’ve felt it as well and even found myself getting excited yesterday when i picked up my trigger injection. Then I said to myself what are you thinking? It will be worse when you crash. I suppose that’s what pulls me up each time after a crash that little bit of hope.
    I want it to work out for all of us. I so appreciate the support from you and Julianna,

  5. What can I say, I’m whimpy about IVF 1 and your on 7. You’re one brave woman. Why don’t you remain detached and we’ll do all of the hoping for you. Sending out positive thoughts for you, and hoping everything goes well on Monday!

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