I really have to say my feelings are just about exactly the same as Julianna’s. I did not want to comment on her blog, as there seems to be a nasty troll and my comment would most likely be lost in the flame war. Let’s see if the trolls make their way over here… I hope not!
You might notice the chance in my blog list to the right. I had to do it for my own piece of mind. I know when my last cycle failed I just deleted the links to newly pregnant blogs. Somehow it was not so bad if you were further along, just seeing positive beta numbers was bad. I could not take it. Now I’m missing those links, as I’d still like to see how they are doing. So I had to do this. Separating the pg blogs from the still trying blogs. So I can choose not to read the pg blogs on a bad day. So I can freely browse the still trying blogs. So I do not have to look at the empty chairs if I do not want to. It’s just so sad to me how many links I’ve had to move to the pg list. And the number seems to grow each day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy for anyone who gets out of this infertility hell, but it’s not fun being left behind. Maybe forever.
When I did this I was thinking about my upcoming cycle, but now I’m no longer so sure there will ever be one. I’m having serious second thoughts, some for reasons I prefer not to drag out to the open. Let’s just say something happened during the holidays that made me question whether I even want to bring another child to this. So the plans are on hold for now, and it just might be that I’ll never do that IVF cycle. It’s so easy to get caught in the gerbil wheel. Do IVF, get BFN, plan another cycle, do IVF, get BFN, plan another cycle… Maybe it is time to say this is enough. Yes, I have all the meds in the fridge just begging me to do it, but I’m just not so sure anymore.
And yet still at the end of each cycle, medicated or not, I’m still wondering if I could be pregnant.