2005

Let’s hope this new year is a good one – without any fear. Sure, it could be even worse than last year, and that one was not one of my favourites.

It started with an IVF cycle with a new clinic. Or at least a new doc, as they share the lab with the one I was going to before. Needless to say it was none better than the previous one. Then I got this job. I knew from the beginning that nothing good would come out of it, but I thought it would look better on my resume than being unemployed for a long time. Now all I can think about is how to get out of this job… But I can only blame myself!

And the second cycle last year was even worse than the first one. It seems that the long protocol is the one for me, this one experiment with the short one was really not successful. But I managed to get a prescription for metfomin, so I thought we were going forward.

And the summer sucked big time over here. It rained. Rained, rained and rained again. Really few days in between when it didn’t rain. And I did not have much summer holiday due to the fact I had started this job so recently. And it rained. I think I felt even more tired when I returned for work.

And I took on way too many projects for me in the fall. And then again there was that another failed cycle. By then I was completely beaten and felt like there really is no point in going on. That pit was so deep I thought I’d never get up from it.

And adding the fact that my mom had to stay in the hospital for some time and has not really been too well since, can you blame me for being stressed?

Then I have found some relief in the therapy. Although I think I should have been seeing a shrink, not zone therapist… It seems very common among the infertiles to see a shrink, but I’ve never seen one. I’m using this blog as my therapy, writing about things that bug me.

And now I have to live with the possibility that DS might still get cousins. Life is not fair.

Gee. It sure sounds depressing in writing. And it was not much better when living it! Actually I’m still at a point where I just want to pack my things, take DS and never come back. And I might just do that.

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