So now the swing takes a turn to the worse again. I’m now faced with the reality that I might never get another baby. The next attempt will be the last. And it frightens me. I’m sure I can get used to the idea, but now it seems impossible. I’m not sure I want to even start the cycle knowing how much is riding on it. Maybe I should just give up now, I mean what are the chances of it working this time. I would feel somewhat positive if anything had at least implanted, but nothing. Nada.Zip. There must be something there that keeps the embies from implanting. How else can you explain transferring 13 embies without even a hint of implanting??
But I know I will have to do this. Sometime in the beginning of next year I will cycle again. And that will be the last one. Unless I somehow get rich and can seek treatment elsewhere. So it seems that the break after this one will be a really long one. And I’m not sure I can deal with it too well. Getting rid of all the baby stuff will be bad. I do not know how I’m going to make it.
Somehow my mood seems really odd today. I’m just so sad, and can’t really say why. It’s a good thing that my boss is on a meeting (and that there are no others who could bug me). I’ve been crying for no reason. Can your hormones still be all over the place a month after your cycle failed?? I’m feeling extremely hormonal. Yes, the bitch is due any day now, but she usually does not put me down like this!