First I want to thank you all who have taken the time to give comments. It is always nice to know someone actually reads these, although writing my thoughts down is also good therapy. I don’t have to see a live shrink when I pour all my feelings into the internet!
For now I feel kinda empty. I had so much to look forward to in the beginning of September, and now everything is suddenly over. Well, almost all of it is, I still have to give the course and take a few… I should have been studying like a madwoman, but it has not happened. I’m going to fail miserably with this, too. And no, I did not get elected.
It doesn’t hurt so much anymore, but this feeling of emptiness is not too great either. I still haven’t called the clinic, I think I’ll resort to email. That way I don’t have to deal with the nurses feeling pity for me. I hate that. And to think that I’ll have to go there again, start all over yet again, being all drugged up in that one room again… Oh, please, not again.
I know things will start to look better in a while. If only another part of my life would be going great so I could concentrate on that. But I hate my job that forces me to start studying again. And I feel like I’m not getting any support at home. Of course DS is way too little to even understand, and he is the only thing that keeps me going now. But I mean that DH is not very supportive. He never has been. And most likely he never will be. I would have lost my mind a long time ago if I did not have Internet and found all you wonderful women who have also been though this! I don’t have many friends in real life, and those few have no idea on what IF really is. But you do!