The days after

Fuck everything. You don’t think I’m hurting right now? Think again. A BFN is a BFN no matter where you are. Sure, it didn’t cost me a fortune, but it’s still a BFN. And did I ever tell you that the taxes are high over here? Well, they are. I’m paying about 35% of my income in taxes. And my pay sucks compared to what I could get for a similar job in the US. Up yours.

Yes, I stayed somewhat calm on Friday. I was amazed, I was expecting much worse. Well, then it really hit me on Saturday. Peed on that damn stick (yeah, just pee on that stick, no stinking beta for you) and it came out blank. Not even a hint of a line. Not even evaporation line.

I did not want to get up this morning. All I wanted to do was to pull the sheets over my head and not get up. I don’t think I can get much done today. But I should. I have to give a course on VHDL soon, and I’m still writing the material for it. But I don’t want to.

What is wrong with me? Why hasn’t any of these 12 embies transferred stuck around long enough to even get a BFP HPT? Is there any point going on anymore? But can I stop? Settle with what I have? Yes, I have a lot already. I’m just being selfish and greedy to want more, am I? Why are you reading then? Go away. Leave me alone.

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2 responses to “The days after

  1. Pingback: Trying to Stay Sane » Blog Archive » Whee! I’m game!

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