So White

I feel totally wiped out. It’s a good thing that it is weekend soon. I’m going to sleep through it! I sure hope that feeling like crap means my follies are feeling good. The headache still has not gone away, but it is not as bad as it was. Tomorrow I go in for another check. I do hope the amount of good sized follies has not gone down to half, as that would mean that there are only four follies. This could mean that only two eggs are retrieved and if that is halved again – only one fertilized. And that looks like nothing to transfer. Sure, there were smaller ones, but they have never caught up before. Why should they now?

And I don’t know why, but my face always gets really white when stimming. I almost scare me every time I look in the mirror as I look like a ghost. I did not pay attention to this the first few times, but then I saw a pic taken of me with my family on a Saturday when my retrieval was the next Tuesday. And I’m so white. It somehow becomes more noticeable in the picture when there are several normal looking people around me. Nobody asked me then what is wrong with me, but later one of the relatives asked me if I was OK then. What should I answer to that? No, I was having two grapefruit sized ovaries floating inside me, I felt horrible. This relative does not know about our infertility, and I’m not about to tell her either. It’s on a need to know basis, and she definitely does not need to know.

Just get me through the day somehow. I do not feel like working today. Can I just go home and get some sleep?


One response to “So White

  1. Ah darn, I was really hoping you would have 20 follicles! (as i’m sure you were too) But hey, remember that it only takes ONE good embryo to implant and make a baby… Hope things look better tomorrow!~Sanorah

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