First Follie Check

pg, baby ment

So, the follies are checked. And as I was suspecting, the news were not that great. There are only two good sized follies on the left side and about six on the right side. And then there is a bunch of smaller ones. And given my history of follie counts going down rather than up this is not good. So now I’m taking meds for a few more days and I’ll go back on Friday. Then I’m most likely getting my ret time, for now I’m assuming it is on Tuesday next week. If there even is anything to retrieve. The only good news was that my lining is 10 mm. I just about jumped up from the table as she said that. I never have good lining. For me it is really, really good if my lining is 7 mm. Many times it hasn’t been more than 5 mm. And now you say it is 10 mm?? But a lot of good that does if there are no embies to go with it.

I really do hate it when the docs are so optimistic for me. I feel like I’m somehow letting them down by being so pessimistic. I feel I should start being optimistic myself and risk being severely let down at the end. It’s easy for them to be optimistic; they are not the ones peeing on stick and seeing nothing but one line.

They say I’m still relatively young (whatever that means) and I did get pg once. Yeah, right, I’m not getting any younger and why is it so damn hard to get pg again? I feel like quitting. But as it would be a giant waste to quit in the middle of a cycle I will have to see this through. Why am I doing this to myself again? Am I even sure I want another baby?

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