Why Does Everybody Have to Fit in the Same Mold?

Abortion, adoption ment

I’m pretty much pro-choice in all my opinions. I hate it when people are trying to apply the same rules for everyone. Like the school system: everybody has to learn the same things at the same time. Which just simply does not work! The bright kids get bored and the less bright ones are left behind, only the average kid has a chance of learning. Why would it be so discriminating to take care of both ends of the spectrum? Somebody please explain it to me why it is better when half of the kids end up learning next to nothing! I’m still blaming school for my inability to study, as it all came too easily for me. I got into real trouble when I went to college, where it suddenly was not enough if you started to read for the exam two nights before. Somehow I got through, but now my grades are too low.

Another thing I started to think about again is abortion and how I feel about it. Before I knew about my infertility I always thought that nobody should be allowed to decide it for you. But now I’ve begun to think that here in Finland it is a bit too easy to get one. All you have to do before being 12w pg is to get two doctors to agree, so basically anybody can get it for any reason. I still think there are cases when it is better for everybody to have the abortion, like if the baby has a genetic disorder that means it can not live outside the womb, or if it is a result of a rape. But just for being stupid and not using proper birth control?? I’ve heard of a case where a woman got abortion because she had bought a new car and could not pay for both. Can’t say if that is true, but it seems there is no end to the stupidity of people. Like one night a young couple was at our house, and somehow the girl started explaining how she got pg by accident and had it killed. I had to run out of the house to keep me from strangling her.

Would I ever do abortion? The truth is I can’t say. I think only if there was definite proof that the baby had zero chance of surviving. But if the tests came positive for Downs or another not life threatening disease but one that can cause developmental delays and such? I don’t think so. I’ve heard that if your test comes positive of Downs, the doc automatically assumes you want to get rid of it. I’m not sure I could act civil in that situation, being handed a referral to kill my baby.

And so there are few domestic babies up for adoption. You would have to wait for many years to get one. Maybe if it was a bit harder to get an abortion if there is no medical necessity or crime involved there would be more babies to be adopted. Most people here do not realize how difficult it is to get a Finnish baby, like my BIL and his wife. Both are over 40 and just started trying. We talked about it once and she said that if they do not succeed, they can always adopt. To which DH and I commented that yeah, maybe a Chinese girl! BIL and SIL looked terrified and said no, no, no, a Finnish baby. Noooooo way, not when you are over 40 already! Just forget about it. It has to be an international adoption.

We have not really talked about adoption as means of adding to our family. But as the end of the genetic road is getting close I have been thinking about it. I’m really afraid of the process, as it sounds horrible. I most likely could not stand all that digging of our lives. It is funny, any crack addict can get pg and have children, but if you really, really just want a baby you have to stand all kinds of nosy questions. So we come back to the one size fits all dilemma. The social worker has a set of rules you have to fulfil in order to be accepted as a good parent. How could just one measure be the right one?

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