Today I have been thinking about music and my relationship with it. As a teenager I used to listen to music a lot. But even back then I did not like a singer or a band just because they were popular. In fact I hated some of the popular bands with a passion. Then at some point I lost interest and really would not care less about who is hot and who is not.
This all changed about a year and a half ago, when I ended up in a website. It was http://www.claytonaiken.com/home.asp and clicked on that voice. Yes, that voice indeed. When I started to listen to the first clip I had downloaded I did not understand what was happening to me. I had chills but just thought that someone had opened a window. It actually took a few more times to make the connection between that voice and having chills! All because I had never experienced it before. Yes, I had liked some bands or singers better than others, but having a physical reaction to a song…
Then a week later I lost my job. Didn’t see that coming. I knew they were letting people go, but I did not think it would be me. Well, guess again. I got completely obsessed with Clay. I had to work for about a month after being told I would not have a job anymore. I spent most of my time downloading anything I could get my hands on about Clay. And that was a lot even back then! Oh well, not really a lot, just ask my hard drive (all four of them). I just kept thinking that if IVF #3 would have worked, they would not have been able to kick me out. But I wasn’t pregnant. So maybe it was meant that I lose that job. I do believe that things happen for a reason, although it is often hard to see what the reason is.
So soon I had all the time in the world just to hang out at the various Clay Aiken forums. Which I did. I did find a new job this February, but I’m not so sure I like it. Actually it sucks. But it gets my bills paid, so I’m trying not to complain (too much). But my reasoning on why #3 failed does not hold water since #4 and #5 were complete failures, too. I haven’t found a way to explain that just yet. All I know that my Clay Aiken CD made my retrieval experience a lot nicer. At my clinic you are awake for retrieval, and they not even giving you anything to forget. I remember every one of them. And the huge needle. It’s a good thing they give you those meds that make you float!
After finding Clay I was much more open to music. I started to buy CD:s again – only to find that there actually was a reason why I had not bought too many. Most of them are not worth the plastic used to make them. One or two of the songs are decent, those ones played in radio. And the rest does not do anything to me. So I’m picky when it comes to music. Everything has to fall in place! The most important piece being the voice. If the voice of the singer rubs me in the wrong way, nothing can be done. There are several famous (in Finnish scale) singers that have a voice I can not stand. Which really does make listening to the radio rather painful. Sonic pheromones. There has to be sonic pheromones. Something that touches you somewhere so deep inside you that you didn’t know it existed. Something that gives you chills.
If the voice is decent, the next hurdle is the style of music. I may be old already, but I still like to listen to songs in the pop/rock category. If the music falls outside that scope – sorry, you’re out. Then the songs need to be listenable. If the words are ridiculous I can not enjoy listening to them. Actually the melody is not at all that important if it falls in the right category. Of course it is also important, but if all the other pieces are in their place it takes the backseat.
This summer my obsession seemed to fade. I still love his music but I do not need to know everything he does. The world will keep on turning even if I do not check the forums for a couple of weeks. It should have been a warning sign to me – something else was coming.
I did watch the Finnish Idols competition, but I did not really have an absolute favorite. I thought some of the singers were OK, but not that special. My favorite would change almost every week. At the end I would have picked Jani over Hanna, but that did not happen. I actually voted for Jani that night. I did not vote much at all because it was so darn expensive! Maybe something like 10 votes during the whole competition. Did not think much of it after that, I would notice if any of the finalists were mentioned somewhere but that’s about it.
Then last weekend we went out with DH. I had seen in the newsaper that Jani was performing near us. We do not go out too often, maybe twice a year or so. But this was something my gut instinct told me to go to. I don’t know why I wanted to go, but I do try to listen to my subconcious when it sends me messages. Not that I always do what it says, some of those suggestions are too wild. But this time I listened.
We had a few drinks before going and a few more before the band started playing. I wanted to go to the front, so I made my way there. I was standing right in front of Jani and just took it all in. I had completely forgotten how powerful it is to hear music performed live! It had been at least five years from the last time I actually went somewhere just to hear a band play.
Actually the full effect came later, the next day. I suddenly had the urge to know more about this man, hear him sing again to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. So I looked up his website at http://www.janiwickholm.net/ (site in Finnish) and found a forum where there were several others to talk about my newly found need to know. So I was not alone. Symptoms are getting worse, I’m already going to see him play again in just two weeks. I certainly do hope the headaches have not kicked in just yet, as I have sniffed for a week by then. Oh well, I’ll just take a bigger dose of aspirin.
But it is amazing how much these two idols have in common! Both of them are really nice people who genuinely care about the fans. And both are especially nice to kids. Too many artists do not remember who is paying them, it’s ultimately the fans who buy their music. And I really, really hate that many of the bads think it’s just fine to perform drunk. What does that tell you about respecting the fans? If you can barely stand, do you really think the fans love it? If you can’t perform without getting drunk, maybe it would be time to do something else. In what other profession it is acceptable or even cool to be drunk? I can’t think of any.
I’m really getting carried away here. But now I’ll have to stop, as they just said on the radio that they will soon play Jani. I’ll have to start listening more closely. Just a few days and I’ll have his first CD in my hands!!